Reader Connects Dots to Reveal Deadly Triangle

Editor,

I have noticed your publication has been not necessarily obsessed with, but rather focused on Squirrels and Robots of late, with nary a mention of the ever-present threat posed by Bagpipes. Right-thinking Alamedans around the world thank you for your pioneering work on the link between Robots and Squirrels, as well as your earlier reportage on the complex relationship between Squirrels and Bagpipes. However, it appears that you have overlooked the crucial third side of this Sciurine-Scotian-Robotic Triangle of Death: the Bagpipe-Robot connection!



A vacationing friend of mine used his "Eye Phone" to shoot this shocking footage on the streets of another city that, thank God, is not Alameda…yet. It's all too clear that Robot Bagpipers are capable of unleashing sonic mayhem at speeds and volumes no human—or even Scotsman—could produce. Don't let our Evil Robot Mayor's apparent change of heart on the Secret Robot Base issue fool you. Just imagine what havoc her leagues of Robot minions could wreak upon our Treasured Isle if they were retrofitted with these fearsome mechanical Bagpipes!

Drake Census