Alameda Remembers Those Who Served Bravely

The Alameda Daily Noose and I are proud to salute local veterans of the many wars that have been fought on Alameda soil. Many triumphant survivors of those wars have long since gone to their final resting places, as with those noble freedom fighters who liberated the island from the tyranny of King George III, and those who answered the call to duty after a Berkeley anarchist with numerous shady ties to Squirrels assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Albany, touching off the Great War. Other veterans are just now passing the torch to the next generation of brave men and women who work tirelessly to preserve our Alamedan quality of life in our biggest current conflict. We are referring, of course, to our fine young troops in the Global War on Squirrels.

Just thinking about the selfless sacrifices that Alamedans have made to keep us safe from the Sciurine Menace brings a tear to our eyes. Soldiers in the Global War on Squirrels are not only among Alameda's greatest, but also our smallest. There may be Alamedans serving in other wars around the world, but here in Alameda, we know which fight is the most important one. Hats off to you, Squirrel fighters!