Friday, March 30, 2007

Scoop! of ice cream....

As the Alameda Daily Noose was the first to report, the city council really is full of wafflers. We have now received anecdotal reports that a certain council member was seen at Tucker's Ice Cream on Park Street ordering a "sidewalk sundae."

And just what is this delectable treat? Two scoops of creamy Tuckers fare, sauce of your choice, whipped cream, cherries and nuts if you like. All tidily placed in a .....waffle cone! Proof that this council couldn't make a decision if its life depended on it.

Just how stupid is my council member?


I spoke with my council member last night about a number of burning issues, including the flammability of our city's bridges which I am incredibly concerned about.

Never mind that the bridges are steel and cannot catch fire. It is important that our council members face up to the fact that our bridges might be engulfed in flames is there is ever a fire on them.

How can the council member not see how stupid he is?

Jack Delinger

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Former Council Candidate now accepts her inability to understand nuanced arguments

In an Noose-clusive, ADN has received confirmation that city council candidate Glib Bond now accepts her own inability to comprehend even simple, nuanced arguments.

Bond writes:

"It is with a heavy heart that I bring pen to paper in an attempt to apologize for wasting all of your time. Despite everything I've said in the past about my opponents, I now recognize that it is I who "just don't get it." Despite the hard work of my campaign volunteers, I seem completely unable to understand that we can discuss both the seven screens in the privately owned cineplex building on Central Ave and the total of eight screens that the entire project will have when combined with the historic Alameda Theater.

"Further discussions differentiating between parking structure "levels" and "stories" have thrown me for such a loop that I've lashed out at inappropriate times. And don't even get me started on the Target square footage."

The Noose is proud of it's investigative work on this story, and we're sure that the candidates in the Fall 2006 election are happy to have an understanding of the erratic comments and behavior of candidate Bond.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Margaret James asks "When will council do something about traffic?"

Open letter to the Mayor,

Madame Mayor, as you know I have written to you almost daily about the ongoing traffic problems in Alameda. you have ignored every one of my letters. I must ask "HOW MUCH LONGER are we going to keep up with this growth!!!!!!"

Alameda now has twice as many people living in it than it did when the Naval Air Station was operating. TWICE AS MANY! How can we continue to grow when traffic is so awful? I don't understand why the council has not apprvoed my plan to slowly remove people from Alameda.

This could be done fairly, I suggest creating a committee of 5-7 people who can make the decision. In fact, I KNOW who those 5-7 people should be already. All that's left to figure out is whether we demand that people leave immediately, or take the slower and refuse to let people who buy houses in Alameda actually move into them. SLOWLY OVER TIME , we could get back to the historical populations levels of when the ohlone lived on the pennisula we call Alameda.

MarGAret JamES

p.s. - apologies for the odd use of capitalization, my "shifT" button has been stICKing ever since I SPILLED apple JUice on it.

Is Alameda's City Council full of wafflers?


Why can't our city council make up it's mind? One minute they are kicking out Golden Pin Donuts from the Alameda Theater so they can rebuild the building. The next minute they are welcoming Dragon Rouge to Park Street. Which is it?! Do we need more restaurants? Or do we need less?

And another thing, what's happened to Park Street? It used to be you could walk down the sidewalk on a Friday night without having the hassle of letting baby strollers pass by. The two or three people you'd see would be people you knew. Nowadays, it's like a big city or something.

Why can't our "leaders" stop ruining Alameda!

Elmer Glougf

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

SCOOP! This was sent to us!

Since we don't have a production deadline, we are able to scoop all the print media and web-blogs by reprinting Press Releases that we get as soon as we get them.

March 27, 2007
Matt Naclerio, Public Works Director, 510-749-5840
Lisa Goldman, Deputy City Manager, 510-747-4700
City Launches Electric Vehicle Fleet
The City of Alameda will hold a ribbon cutting ceremony on Monday, April 2, to launch its new electric vehicle fleet. The ceremony will begin at 2 p.m. in the City Hall parking lot, 2263 Santa Clara Avenue at Oak Street.

In May 2006, the City Council adopted a resolution establishing guiding principles for the management of the City’s fleet vehicles and equipment. The resolution required that the City consider the purchase of alternative fuel vehicles when vehicle replacements are required. In replacing several older, gasoline-powered vehicles with the new electric vehicles, Mayor Beverly Johnson noted that, "the City of Alameda has a long-standing commitment to protecting the environment and has taken steps to reduce its reliance on greenhouse-emitting gases. The purchase and use of these electric vehicles shows that we’re ready to put words into actions."

City staff will use the six new electric vehicles for travel to and from building sites and for travel between different City office buildings. The City funded the $93,892.88 purchase of the electric vehicles with a grant from the Alameda County Congestion Management Agency, through its Congestion Mitigation and Air Quality Improvement Program.

Alamedans Demand More Access at Planning Board meeting

Activists for open government campaigned for the next generation in open meetings at the Alameda City Planning Board meeting last night. The so-called “Reverend Al Green Act” will strengthen the Ralph M. Brown Act, known also as California’s sunshine law.

The act is named after revered gospel/R&B singer Al Green who has taken to supporting openness in and through media. (January 14, 2007)

The Green Act will require that “all meetings that are scheduled to plan, discuss or think about public meetings must be open to the public and broadcast on television.” Speaker Brenda Tomlin spoke truth to power last night, when she took the mike and demanded that Alamedans be given greater access to the tedium and bureaucratic planning. Alamedans have been demanding to see how agendas are created and who is making the decisions on the formatting of city documents.

Under the Green Act, all meetings with city staff will be televised on AP&T Ch. 15 and warehoused on the city’s website. City Staff will wear wireless lapel microphones to make sure that cameras pick up every nuance of their discussions. Details for the plan, including what department will the expected 500 camera operators work for. The operators will be needed to follow all 685 city staff members around.

Alameda City Manager has released a statement saying “if The Amazing Race can send 11 teams of two people racing around the world with emmy-winning camera crews and create a dynamic viewing experience, I don’t see why the City of Alameda can’t do it.” City administrators were closed lipped as to whether they were in discussions with Amazing Race host Phil Keoghan.

Joan Rhinestoner responds to Cindy Sherman's bus concerns


Cindy Sherman's concerns are unfounded. Buses are like Angels, descended from heaven. A gift of the gods to the mere mortals who drive. If everyone would just stop driving, then buses could run free--literally and figuratively. Every street would have buses, and bus stops would be no problem, because no one would have cars, removing the need for parking removal.

When we reach this glorious day, buses can become like mobile offices. We'll get on them and instead of taking us to the office, we'll be riding on our office. We'll see the sights while completing that one novel we all have inside us.

Cindy, it's time to learn to love the bus, don't be angry.

Joan Rhinestoner

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Alameda Daily Noose Gets the Scoop!

On Thursday, March 22, 2007, at 10:40 AM, at Pagano's Hardware Mart on Lincoln Avenue in Alameda, Alameda Daily Noose once again scooped all the other news media by being the first to get the scoop. As the photo on the left shows, we here at Alameda Daily Noose are always on top of the local news, and the clearly visible dates prove that we got the scoop a whole day ahead of the Alameda Journal, which we really, really don't like at all. As you can see, our scoop is very, very shiny and holds a full two ounces, or even more if you really pile it on.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Proof that Perata is behind the Theater Project

This photo provides definitive proof of Don Perata's involvement in the Alameda Theater Project. The decisiveness of this left-leaning structural support in the project's garage clearly shows the involvement of the East Bay's notorious progressive politician.

ADN continues to stand behind our strong support for conservative politicians and firmly believes that this project will only succeed if the supports lean to the right.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Cindy Sherman wants to know how her kids are getting to Oakland for Camp


I went to sign up my children for the Alameda Parks and Recreation "Trails End" Camp. Not only did I find that the City of Alameda wants to send my kids to Camp in Oakland, but they have to take a bus! A Bus! Don't these people know that buses kill children!

We spend millions of dollars a year on our Parks and Rec department. I would think that someone there would clearly understand the dangers of taking a bus through Oakland. I demand that Mayor Jonson (sic) fire the head of the department.

Outragededly yours,

Cindy Sherman

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Alameda Daily Noose Gets 30th Plain Old Hit

According to our plain old hit counter/tracker, at 7:23:15 a.m. this morning, an Alameda Power and Telecom customer either visited Alameda Daily Noose, or he or she was already viewing Alameda Daily Noose and pressed the "refresh" button. This brings the total of such events to 30, a number which is nooseworthy by virtue of the fact that it is evenly divisble by 10.

Since we don't distinguish between plain old hits and unique hits, we can't say if 30 different people have visited Alameda Daily Noose, or whether the same person just went to the site and pressed the "refresh" button 30 times. Unlike other Web sites, which count unique hits, we here at Alameda Daily Noose count just plain old hits because it always gives us a higher - and therefore more nooseworthy - count.

P.S. - We're only telling you this because we like you and we know we can trust you to keep this on the QT; normally, we like to keep quiet about the fact that we don't count unique hits. That's why we removed the little counter that used to be at the bottom of our site, and now we just make big, splashy announcements whenever the count (which only we can see) reaches a new milestone of being divisible by some factor of 10. These milestones seem much more impressive when people don't see the little counter going up each time the "refresh" button is pressed.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Something might almost-happen at tomorrow night’s council meeting

We have it on good authority that the Brown Act might almost-be-violated at tomorrow night’s council meeting. The scenario, as it’s been presented to us, is for 2 councilpeople (names protected until the crime’s committed) will start talking while taking their seats about an issue that is coming up before the council. Disaster will be clearly averted, when the other three councilpeople pay no attention to what the two of them are speaking about.

In terms of a might, almost-happen event, temporal/conditional expert Peter Sanger says this rates high, right between “Car almost crashes into estuary after bridge opens, driver safe after applying brakes” and “ Receipt at Peet’s almost forgotten, customer returns in time to request it.”

Sanger, who follows near-miss events with a passion says, “Alameda is just lucky we have councilmembers who are not paying attention before meetings start!”

ADN will continue to keep a watch on these events that don’t happen.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Letter Writers Needed

We here at ADN are having a difficult time coming up with content. We're diving into old reports and memos. In order to continue our fun, free loving site, we need you to come back! We need your letters!

You can't expect us to create informative, explosively entertaining information every day.

Seriously, you can't!

Back in the day, we'd be able to print 1-3 letters from a variety of people, but honestly, the old fingers are tired.

We've tried fake letters. We've printed nearly every press release that comes out. Heck, we'll even start printing letters from people we ignored in the past.....please, just one? Don't give Leslie Little the satisfaction of seeing yet another piece on our site! People will start thinking she works for us. Seriously.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Community Cut & Paste: Little League Update

Creating Daily content can be tough, so occasionally, we dip back into the "things people sent us" file to recreate them for you in a new and exciting way! We won't confuse you with commentary, discussion of the issue or a confusing point, this is raw data baby! It's time for Community Cut & Paste! Little League Edition!

The following is a message sent to Little league families from the president of the league:

On behalf of the Board of Directors of Alameda Little League, we welcome you to our program if you are new in 2007, and we welcome you back if you are returning. Alameda Little League is not really much different from any other youth sports program in our great community. Our purpose, like the others, is to provide a safe, organized program for youth in the City of Alameda, with the specific objectives of implanting firmly in the youth of Alameda the ideals of good sportsmanship, honesty, courage, and respect for authority. As volunteers in the community, we sincerely wish for you to join us in our efforts to assist these youth in this, their final stage of development before becoming a teenager. We work very hard, sometimes harder than we should because we may not have enough volunteers to help. That’s why we need you, and that is why our youth, your youth, need you! They are children, and they will soon be adults, but they will always need you to be there for them. I urge you to get involved, as an umpire, as a coach, as a team parent, or as a spectator who is positively interested in your son or daughter’s development in these crucial years. Don’t just take them to the game and leave…participate and enjoy! Go out and play catch with your “almost adult” because you will never regret it. Better yet, they will never forget it! Please join us in 2007 for a great year. Like any church or school or any other social institution, we are not a building, or a field, but we are the people who care about making our community better.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Our favorite business!

Quick heads up on the goings on at Lee's Auto Supply of Park Street. The shop will be open all weekend and next week with their fine selection of brake pads, gaskets and water pumps.

Brand Names are on sale, including Flex-a-lite which we give an A-.

Obviously, since you love this site, you'll love all the businesses we frequent, we'll keep you up to date!

Lee's Auto is open Saturday, 8:30 a.m.6:00 p.m., Sunday, 9:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. and Monday – Friday, 8:30 a.m. – 6:30 p.m.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

EXCLUSIVE! - Meeting missed by commissioner

In our ongoing coverage "Who's late for a meeting now?", ADN has late breaking coverage of Transportation Commission member John Knox White's non-attendance of the Oakland Chinatown Commission. However, ADNoose has scooped all other noosepapers by reporting that the Transportation Commission Chair was also late to dinner. According to his family calendar, he was to pick up milk and bread on his way home. However, he arrived 10 minutes late without milk or bread which could impact the growth spurt of his children.

Future segments of this groundbreaking series on what's wrong with government will include: "Councilmember gets up for a drink of water," "After Family tragedy, Planning Board member doesn't show up," and "Recreation and Parks commissioner shows up tardy."

Editor's Note: We'd point out its called the Oakland Chinatown Advisory Committee. But we don't nitpick reporting here.

Update! DR Show Postponed!

Comcast viewers will tell you that the technical difficulties of Wednesday night's Don Roberts show were almost too much to bear! We're not sure if it was the green t-shirt or the dancing leprechaun, but the video feed fell apart early in the show. AP&T's quality control people must have been outraged!

But worry not ADN viewers. the show will most certainly contain the coveted name calling, serial fact-mishandling and traditional self-important bitterness and anger we all tune in for.

Letterwriter takes issue with Non-News!


What's with all the hard hitting news? have no cats gone missing of late, it seems that I see signs all around for them. Is your site trying to raise the bar above the traditional fare?

I haven't seen a correction of an grammatical or spelling mistake in weeks! What Gives?

I thought your regular readers would enjoy this video:

Now that's more like it!

Jill Overvalley

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Scoop! Shopping mall has parking lots!

ADN breaks the news that Alameda Towne Centre has a new parking lot!

In future stories, we'll bring you late-breaking news on parking lots we've found near Park Street and Webster Street!. We even have an inkling that neighborhood shopping centers like Encinal Market may actually provide parking as well. We'll keep you posted.