Corruption of Measure Angus: Shocking Footage Shows What Happens…When Bagpipes Attack!

Rog,

Although we are long-time fans of the traditional German fare offered at Alameda's Wienerschnitzel restaurants, on Saturday the wife and I decided to try out that upstart German restaurant—I think the name was "Species-Crammer," or something like that—just for a lark. Once we overcame our initial disappointment at the lack of a drive-thru window, we found the place pleasant enough, though the food is not very authentic: There was not a single wiener, frankfurter, or hamburger on the menu!

At any rate, we had just ordered our second round of "Budweiser" (which is German for "beer") when we noticed a rag-tag band of musicians setting up to play in the restaurant's bar area. Just then, an unmistakable flash of plaid caught my eye. Tartan! Before I knew it, one of plaid-clad men was fumbling around with something in a suspicious package. "My God, he's got a Bagpipe!" I shouted, but it was too late.

Rog, you would not believe just how much noise a single moth-eaten windbag can produce, drowning out all conversations and demanding everyone's attention! As I dived for cover, my wife bravely pulled out her fancy new "Eye Phone," which she tells me is a camera that can also make telephone calls, and started filming. After 30 seconds I could take no more; I reached over, shut off the camera, and escorted her to safety, being careful not to make any sudden moves that might have drawn the piper's attention. We got out alive, but I doubt the others were so lucky. There were children in there, Roger…children!

I must admit that I sometimes wondered if your coverage of the Bagpipe threat was somewhat…overblown. I told myself it could never happen here, that Alameda's Tartan-limiting Measure Angus would keep us safe from the Scottish threat. How wrong I was! Now I understand that forces of corruption are everywhere at work. Clearly the Mayor and her cronies are trying to make an end-run around Measure Angus by claiming that it only applies to Scottish restaurants like McDonald's. It's this kind of lawyerly nitpicking that puts our children at risk!

I would encourage the pro-Measure-Angus people to immediately focus on finding one new friend or neighbor in Alameda per week to start talking about Measure Angus with, and explain to them the corruption we face in town, and explain the facts behind Measure Angus and expected results of exempting German restaurants from Measure Angus. My wife used her "Eye Phone" to send in her video of the Bagpipe attack by "Gee Mail." Please, double-click on Roger's interweb dingus and show it to a friend. This fight isn't going to be won or lost at the "Stammtisch" tables with the same-old, same-old, it's going to depend on Measure Angus supporters winning over friends and neighbors one-by-one.

Drake Census