During our Holiday Hiatus, The Alameda Daily Noose and I were inundated with pleas to publish something, anything—maybe even a press release from some city that is not even Alameda—to help Right-Thinking Alamedans stay in a complaining frame of mind. We understand how important our journalistic masterpieces are to all of you, loyal readers, but it's more important for the Noose and me to have some quiet time in which to recharge our powerful editorial commenting abilities.
Now that we are back, and in top form, it's a perfect time to start catching up on the multitude of letters that have accumulated in our mail bag. So here, freshly dusted off for your up-to-the-minute consumption, is a letter that we know you'll enjoy:
Thank you so much for your Phantom of the Kofman pieces on the Alameda Daily Noose. They are a burst of holiday cheer. Len Bossman Paris thinks you’re a hoot. Thanks again, and the entire board of ACLO and our dear departed parents, Superman, and the American Way, not to mention show tune junkies everywhere, wish you the MERRIEST of merry, merry, merry, CHRISTMASES EVER!!!!!!
GOD BLESS ROGER GRUMBLE!
Bernice “TixRUs” Lampoon
Box Office Manager
Alameda Civic Light Opera is a community theater that produces professional-quality Broadway musicals in the SF Bay Area. Its unique technical internship program provides summer jobs for high school and college students, many of whom are at risk.
Alameda Civic Light Opera Inc
Create Your Own Charity Badge
The Alameda Daily Noose and I very much like the parts of the letter that tell us how great we are. We can only assume that by "a hoot" the authors mean "spreading wisdom like a venerable owl perched in the mighty oak tree of journalistic integrity." Oh, and also "feared by Squirrels."
We're not sure about the stuff at the end about making donations, though. Everybody knows that any Right-Thinking Alamedan with enough spare cash lying around to give away would naturally want to send it to the Roger Grumbel Home for Clean, Well-Behaved, Deserving Orphans from Alameda. Besides, our orphans are much cuter and far more deserving than the ones in the picture the authors attached to their letter.