Friday, January 11, 2008

Alameda Puppy Trainer Letter-Writer Is Soft on Squirrels

As our loyal readers know so well, the Alameda Daily Noose and I welcome the cogent, well-organized thoughts and reasoned arguments of citizens whose mighty pens of protest are set in motion by righteous indignation at a world full of injustice, immorality, and people parking in front of their houses.

It is therefore with heavy heart that we proclaim our profound disappointment with an otherwise Right-Thinking Alamedan who seems to have lost his way. Although he starts out strong with his innovative ideas for a fresh new approach toward change in so-called municipal government, and then goes on to demonstrate a keen awareness of the arboreal threat, he stops just short of recognizing the One True Threat to our Treasured Island: Squirrels. Oh, and the other One True Threat, Bagpipes.

The real travesty, of course—the action that removes all doubt that the letter-writer has fallen into perdition—is that the chosen venue for publication of his missive was the Alameda Puppy Trainer, and not a certain soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper. However, the Alameda Daily Noose and I are such ardent supporters of the First Amendment that we are not going to let the fact that a letter was sent to a different editor dissuade us from publishing it in its entirety:


Here's where I would take each so-called member of the City Council and Board of Education, and line them each up against a brick wall, and let the Army use the wall and the "dummies" as target practice.

I would encourage the Navy not ever to turn over their land to a bunch of morons, and the so-called Alameda Point would become nothing except housing and medical facilities for armed services personnel.

I wish I was feeling better, so that I could help organize a recall of all elected city officials, as an orangutan could (do) much better. I would also take all three Alameda papers, and use them to pick up feces. They're worthless.

And as for those idiots over in Harbor Bay, I tell the airport to turn on the after-burners full-blast, and shake each and every home until the entire fill is liquidated. Amelia Earhart flew out of the airport, and those stupid people when they bought those homes did so knowing that the airport had been there for decades. I have no sympathy for them.

I know this won't make the papers, because in my city, we do not have free speech.

When U.S. Army Reserve 1st Lt. Chaplain Michael A. Stagnaro returned home after providing our men and women spiritual comfort, there was no welcoming for a man who did his duty. No wonder he moved away, and I am proud that I am able to call him my adopted "nephew."

I'm surprised that these "new" residents don't fly the flag of the Third Reich!

The city is so dumb, they plant these dumb trees, which constantly tear up the sidewalks, instead of putting back the beautiful trees we had, the Japanese cherry blossom trees, like what is in our federal capital. Change the lighting to match the Fernside Homeowners Association with the lower lights, but get rid of the orange sodium lights, and have the regular white.

But Matarrese and the other four dummies consider it more important to spend time worrying about something that is prohibited in the Constitution.

Enough said. Just throw all those bums out. Unfortunately stupidity begets stupidity.

— Rick Freitas
If the Alameda Daily Noose and I weren't so miffed with Mr. Freitas for sending his so-called letter to someone else, we would salute him.


Anonymous said...

Do the streetlights in the Fernside dispense ORANGE SODA?

Anonymous said...

No, but if you squint at 'em just right you can see Chuck and Nancy Corica necking in the balcony.