In a letter mysteriously tacked onto this Monday's edition, one of what the Alameda Daily Noose and I imagine are our thousands of adoring readers promised to shower yet another golden potential honor onto our soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper:
I propose we, the faithful readers of this site, create an award specifically for ADN so it can no longer be the "soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper" and can become a fully fledged, "award-having-since-people-who-read-it-like-it noosepaper." So as far as I'm concerned, we should offer the "Alameda-Daily-Noose-Rocks-My-Socks-Off-Because-Its-Opinion-Dovetails-with-mine-quite-nicely award" to editor Roger Grumbel at our earliest opportunity.
We were all ready to change our masthead to trumpet (modestly, of course) our latest honor, but at the last minute the Alameda Daily Noose held up a hand of caution, reminding me that perhaps we should not count our laurel-bedecked chickens before they hatch. After all, we still have not heard back from that British merchant based in Dubai about the funds for our orphanage, nor have we received our subsequent winnings from the British lottery.
Now don't worry, the Alameda Daily Noose and I are not about to let the unseemly tardiness of a couple of yobs from across the pond color our perception of a Right-Thinking Alamedan who has promised us an award we so richly deserve; however, we're going to wait until that big, shiny trophy arrives at Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters before we make any hasty changes to our venerable masthead.