Squirrel Pies For All!

Mr. Grumbel,

While I know that you have literally hundreds of non-Squirrel-related interests, I can't help but call your attention to an innovation that may turn the tide in the War Against Global Squirrels (WAGS). I refer, of course, to the Squirrel meat pie, or, as our friends in England (a Treasured Isle almost as nice as Alameda) call it, a Squirrel pasty.

Through simple preparation and a thick crust, we can take our Squirrel-shaped lemons and make tasty Squirrel-ade from them! That's a solution Vice-Presidential candidate-in-waiting Heidi Wilson would surely endorse. I hope that one of Alameda's forward-thinking restauranteurs, like Gym's Coffee Clutch, or Ole's Gruel & Hardtack Hovel, follows this lead, and makes fine-tasting Squirrel pies available to all.

Now we can see all those tax-sponsored trees for what they really are - fishing nets of the sky!

Yours in healthy food,
Joolie Childress

Editor's Comments:

The Alameda Daily Noose and I are skeptical that Squirrel pies could be as good as Squirrel melts, but any tool that comes to hand could be useful in the ongoing effort to solve the Squirrel problem. It is important to keep our readers updated on all of the weapons available for their personal or militia-based anti-Squirrel arsenals. Doing so does not in any way indicate that we are abnormally fixated on those deceptively cute and undeniably vicious little Birdseed Raiders.