Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Angling for Armageddon

The Alameda Daily Noose and I were enjoying a friendly game of Yahtzee the other day when the idyll was shattered by the sound of a brick crashing through the window of Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters. The Alameda Daily Noose instinctively dived under the game table, but after the initial moment of surprise, I boldly stepped forward to investigate. Upon closer inspection, the brick turned out to be not a brick at all, but a videotape, with the following note attached:

Are you or Alameda Daily Noose aware of this startling new development in the battle against Squirrels?
We dusted the shards of glass of the tape, inserted it into our trusty VCR, tuned our set to channel 3, and this is what we saw:

The fact that we published this shocking footage, despite being dogged by scurrilous accusations that we are obsessed with Squirrels, speaks volumes about our courage and journalistic integrity. It's not always easy to speak the truth about Squirrels, as our mysterious source must know all too well. However, those who truly understand the Squirrel threat recognize the importance of keeping the Sciurine Menace on a short tether, and doing all we can to keep it from running away with the peanut that is our precious quality of life.

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