Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Sciurine and Scotian Chords Sound Mysterious Note in Alameda Pants Saga


I've long been following the work of InAction Alameda for quite some time, so I think I can recognize a conspiracy when I see one. Perhaps, even you are part of it. I write, of course concerning two of your frequent contributors: Frieda Bellows and Lon Geddoff. It appears that Gerald Auslander's letter provided a perfect foil for Bellows and Geddoff to turn against all Right Thinking Alamedans everywhere. If one takes their criticism of mens wear in general and pants in particular at face value, the natural conclusion is that Right Thinking Alamedans should ban pants from the Island, after all one of them noted that pants wearing is something associated with San Francisco. However, Bellows and Geddoff only EXPOSED themselves as double agents that have infiltrated InAction Alameda.

I suspect the two are working at the behest of our FemBot Mayor, Beverly Johnson and the Squirrels. This is all part of their plot. Once Bellows, Geddoff and the Robot Mayor ban pants, every man in Alameda (Right Thinking ones included) will have to wear KILTS. Don't you see what is going on here? Once they force us into kilts, its only a short fall down the slippery slope to widespread Bagpiper-dom. Stop this scourge! I demand that you investigate Geddoff and Bellows immediately. I sure hope that Former City Council Candidate, Dave Williamson and Coho Jenkins haven't been compromised by these shills for Big Bagpipe. This has all the markings of a classic false flag attack, just like on 4/29.

Looks like the NSA and CIA took down that site, but luckily, I am able to provide a link to the site which no longer exists.


Editor's Comments:

In an unprecedented step, the Alameda Daily Noose and I have redacted the name of the author of this Alameda-shattering bombshell of a letter in order to protect him from potential Tartan repercussions. Let's just say that we hope that his persistent artistic vision continues to reverberate as one note comprised of three—no, make that four—simultaneous chords: curiosity, integrity, excellence, and eternal vigilance against Squirrels and Scotsmen.

Now, the Alameda Daily Noose and I do not mean to downplay the undeniably insidious influence of Tartan in our community, but before we all erupt into entirely understandable panic, let's remember that a ban on all new trousers would not necessarily lead to greater quantities of kilts in Alameda. Existing trousers would be grandfathered in, which would mean that our current treasured way of life would be preserved forever.

Furthermore, Right-Thinking readers can rest assured that citizens such as Lon Geddoff and Former City Council Candidate are among our city's strongest opponents of Bagpipes and just about everything else. They could no more be lured into the sporran of Big Kilt than the Alameda Daily Noose and I could feel sympathy for a Squirrel.

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