Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Army of Robot Squirrels Poised for Attack

Dear Editor:

It's started! An army of evil Robot Squirrels has infiltrated what I thought was a respectable, long-standing Alameda business. I wanted to beat a hasty retreat the moment I saw them, but I knew that your readers had to be warned, so I snapped a picture and then backed away slowly, hoping not to trigger their motion sensors and cause them to aim their massive, crushing jaws in my direction.

There may be people out there who haven't been taking your warnings seriously, but now there is proof that Squirrels are conspiring with the Evil Robots that want us to vote on their plans to build a secret base at Alameda Point.

We need to do something to stop their insidious plot. Everyone ought to do the kinds of things we Right-Thinking Alamedans do in times of danger, whether it's insulting the mayor, signing petitions, recalling the school board, raising the drawbridges, launching barrage balloons, or even—if, God forbid, it should come to that—writing a grumpy letter to the editor. Hurry, for time is running out!

Yours in eternal vigilance,
Hogan Parawaders


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