Lon Geddoff is right. We don't need any stores selling pants in Alameda. As someone mentioned recently, pants are the kind of thing they sell in San Francisco. Do we want Alameda to be like San Francisco? I don't think so!
Alameda should just ban pants outright. Have you ever noticed that almost all violent crimes are committed by people wearing pants? I mean, when was the last time you heard of a bank robber running away from the scene of the crime in spike heels and a mini dress? And how could anyone conceal a weapon in the waistband of a pair of Speedos? Obviously, pants cause crime, so selling pants in Alameda would increase our crime rate.
Existing pairs of trousers in Alameda could be grandfathered in, but we don't have room for a single new pair in this town. Mr. Auslander needs to just face reality and give up on his pants-pushing agenda right now. I'm going to be keeping an eye out for these unscrupulous, professional pants promoters, and anyone I see wearing a new pair of trousers is going to get a wedgie.
Thursday, September 3, 2009