People who know me know how much I care about the health of our planet, and the health of people on it. That's why I've been in a tizzy for months about the whole idea of national healthcare reform. I kept hearing people say that it's urgent for our country to move forward, to ensure better health for all, but then it suddenly hit me: our health care system doesn't need to move forward. We need to take a few steps back. Yes, that's right—back in time, to a simpler kind of health.
Sometimes the old ways are best. You see, the big problem with our current healthcare system is all of those nasty chemicals that doctors use for medical procedures, and prescribe to people who are wellness-challenged. Of course, a lot of our problems could be prevented with measures like healthy eating and exercise like people used to get in the days before steam ships replaced slave galleys, but there's an even more important alternative to the "drugs," "vaccines," and "herbal remedies" that are so commonplace in conventional medicine. I'm referring to the all-natural practice of bloodletting. Most doctors seem to have forgotten that leeches have many uses outside the realm of reattaching severed body parts. And since leeches come from nature, we should be able to get them free of charge, unlike those artificial medicines.
Another old-time idea that could be just what the doctor ordered for our current crisis is gangrene. As anyone who's been to Alameda Countrie Peripherie knows, "grene" is just an olde-tyme spelling of "green," thus it's clear that a "gang grene" was just a "green gang," an association of environmentally conscious peasants who pooled their resources to get a better deal on their all-natural sustainable free-range health insurance, which I understand mainly covered the services of leeches. It's time to say no to all those artificial chemical "medicines," and say yes to all-natural healthcare: just say yes to gangrene!