The Alameda Daily Noose and I want to warn our readers about a pernicious gee-mail message that appears to be circulating on the interwebs. The writer seems to think that there are jokes to be made at the expense of our Treasured Island. Although the letter was sent to us directly, it is addressed only to "Fellow Alamedans," which strongly suggests that it is a form letter that was sent to numerous others as well.
Now, unlike all of the other major news media, which cloak their journalistic cowardice in flimsy excuses about having "limited space," the Alameda Daily Noose and I always print each and every letter we receive in its entirety, uncensored, unedited, raw and uncut, without exception. We have the courage that those other so-called journalists lack. We believe that all Alamedans' opinions should be heard as long as they are Right-Thinking. Besides, Alameda is the kind of place where nothing much happens on some days, so those letters come in handy.
The particular letter in question is so obviously false, and so disrespectful of the serious pursuit of journalistic integrity, that we refuse to publish so much as an excerpt from it. We will certainly not mention the portion of the letter which states, "To enter, post your winning entry on one of three community blogs, Don Roberts Alameda Daily News, Lauren Doh’s Blogging Bayport Alameda, or Michelle Ellson’s The Island." For one thing, the mere mention of Boring, Lame, Online Gossip Shops, or B.L.O.G.S., is cause for suspicion, and active promotion of them indicates that the writer is not to be trusted.
Further evidence that the writer is up to no good is that he did not sign his real name to the letter. Instead, it is signed "William Smith," which is obviously a fake name. He probably doesn't even live in Alameda, which would make his greeting all the more false. To print any part of this amalgamation of sheer nonsense and deception would make a laughingstock of our respectable noosepaper. So, Mr. "Smith," you will have to be content with saying hello to your wife, "Jane Doe," for us. Meanwhile, we urge our readers to be on the lookout for those underhanded elements in our community who work their wiles through sneaky satire and by inciting the dreaded "blogosphere community" to acts of irreverence. They are not who they say they are. Don't be fooled. Beware!