Every year around this time, I make about 12 dozen jars of various kinds of jams, and while I make them I think about how much I hate that other kind of jam, the Alameda traffic jam. That's what makes my jams so special; the secret ingredient is hate! When my family spreads a little of my jam on their breakfast toast, and then finally work up their courage to take a bite, they get a jolt of the righteous outrage that should jump-start every Right-Thinking Alamedan's morning.
For some reason, I always seem to have extra jam left over from last year when I start the new batch. Just like Alameda traffic, there's always too darn much of it. That's why I'm offering to sell a jar to any of your readers who need a little extra boost for their complaining. Any time they want to drive over and pick some up, they can just give me a call, then throw their five bucks out the car window, and I'll lob some jam back in. I don't accept credit cards, and don't you dare try to park in front of my house.
Former City Council Candidate
Monday, August 17, 2009