Monday, August 31, 2009

Sciurine Sartorial Menace Imperils Alameda Juveniles

Dear Roger,

Yesterday, I was doing some grocery shopping when I happened to notice an Alamedan teen wearing the following T-shirt:

I fear that this is further evidence that the Squirrel population is co-opting the youth of our island. The Squirrel is obviously "protecting" his stash of delicious nuts against the humans of Alameda who might be inclined to enjoy some tasty peanuts, almonds and macadamias. Once the Squirrels have secured their nuts, what will they try to get their paws on next — the trees, the roads, the very island itself? We must arm ourselves against these creatures (which, as you can see, are only able to guard their treasures with simple sticks) and take back the nuts! Once the local teenage populace sees that adults carry guns and not just sticks, they will finally realize who the "cool" ones truly are.

—Edith M. Rigiro


Joe said...

It is clearly vital that all Alamedans, especially men, keep hold of their nuts at all times!

Anonymous said...

Joe is absolutely correct.

And as they say over at Pagano's, make sure that you always use the proper tool: make sure that your sockets are deep enough and that your wrench fits your nut tightly. Don't over-tighten.