Monday, January 19, 2009

Gene Clipworth Wants Alameda to Immediately Terminate its Master Tree Plan


I am not anti-tree, but I AM against planting trees for the wrong reasons. We've all heard a lot about the City of Alameda's so-called Master Tree Plan, but we have to ask ourselves who is behind this plan. For that matter, who or should I say what is behind the TREES? Is that a bushy tail I see sticking out?

I was searching the google the other day when I ran across this shocking propaganda video:

It ends with a reference to an interweb sight filled with even more hateful pro-Squirrel propaganda masquerading as environmental advocacy. This, in combination with the video, constitutes absolute proof that the Squirrels are merely trying to promote tree planting in order to obtain more government-subsidized housing for themselves.

Alameda already has more than its fair share of trees. Sure, you'll hear some Squirrels complaining that their pups have to scurry off to other cities to find trees of their own, but these whiners need to realize that not every Squirrel has a right to live in Alameda. Maybe if those pups work hard and save their acorns they'll be able to afford to move back into a small "starter bush" in Alameda some day. Our government has no business interfering in the tree market by subsidizing housing for these Squirrels with their outsized senses of entitlement.

Trees are an important part of the city, and we have an alternative vision: a public tree trust. The concept behind the notion underlying this idea is that the trees belong to the People, not the Squirrels and that's all of Us not all of Them. There are many things that can be done with the trees to discourage Squirrels: limiting tree height and density, little wrought-iron fences with spikes on top, rings of sticky stuff smeared around the tree trunks, or perhaps even catapults. Of course, this won't look like the groves of trees we're used to seeing. It will look like the Alameda Tree Trust, with its own special system of anti-Squirrel defenses.

We've heard a lot about our "carbon footprint" lately, but that doesn't concern me. The kind of footprints we should REALLY be worried about is Squirrel footprints!

The city should immediately terminate the Master Tree Plan, and join with the rapidly growing numbers of Alameda folks who have signed on to this alternative vision.

Gene Clipworth

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