Impossible Traffic Conditions Paralyze Alameda

The completion of the last new home being built in a West Alameda subdivision has proven to be the straw that broke the camel's back. It has now become impossible for anyone to drive off of or onto the Treasured Island of Alameda. As you can see from the exclusive Alameda Daily Noose photo above, the line of cars leading to the tubes is endless. Commuters who set out for their jobs in those other cities that aren't Alameda on Monday were still waiting to get on to the freeway on Tuesday.

Many stranded commuters have given up getting to work, and are simply living in their cars. Enterprising street vendors stroll between the vehicles, selling donuts, coffee, and gasoline to keep all those motors running. The situation has grown so dire that some have suggested that people could get out of their cars and bypass the tubes and bridges altogether, perhaps utilizing some sort of watercraft. Clearly, the idea of a bunch of commuters getting out of their cars and riding in a boat to get to work is certifiably insane. That such ludicrous proposals are being floated suggests that those exhaust fumes might be making some people a bit dizzy.