Monday, January 5, 2009

"Save Our Sandwiches! Alameda" Urges Rejection of "Bail-Out" of Big Baloney

Following is a press release from "Save Our Sandwiches! Alameda":

As anybody who has thrown away a soggy local "newspaper" lately knows, the city of Alameda is going to Hell in a hand-basket. Our City fire stations are apparently threatened with "brown-nosing" and the city is spending millions of dollars on the kind of fancy suits lawyers wear—yet something like $700 million has been spent over the years to "bail-out" Lunch Developers in our business districts, charged a group of elderly gentlemen and like-minded whippersnappers who got together for coffee today.

The "bail-out" is so bad that "Save Our Sandwiches! Alameda" (S.O.S.!A.), as the erstwhile Kaffeeklatsch is now known, has gone to unusual lengths to stop the practice, unveiling this hard-hitting, stylish, and exceedingly well-written press release to inform the general public about the mess.

The Alameda City Council will host a meeting about something or other at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, January 7, in the City Council Chambers at City Hall, Oak Street and Santa Clara Avenue. S.O.S.!A. urges all Right-Thinking Alamedans to attend the meeting and demand that the Council talk about the sandwich "bail-out" instead.

"For years, city employees have been handing their paychecks, which are funded by taxpayer money that belongs to all of us, over to local eating establishments, private interests, which can then use that money for private profits from selling sandwiches. And because these sandwiches are always eaten, we taxpayers do not even have anything to show for this egregious expenditure our hard-earned money,” said Dave Williamson of S.O.S.!A.

This press release—which has been sent to ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MTV, the WB, and the Food Network—asks Alameda citizens to "Stop the 'bail-out'" and "Protect public safety" by urging Alameda officials to reject the practice of lining the pockets of Big Baloney with taxpayer dollars.

"S.O.S.!A. estimates that over the years, there must be at least $700 million in taxpayer money that has been funneled through the salaries of city staff and into the pockets of the Lunch Developers, to subsidize the required baloney, cheese, bread and such, so they can profit from making sandwiches. Alameda taxpayers will be left footing the bill for this Baloney Bail-Out.

"We would prefer to see City employees 'brown bag it' by making sandwiches at home, rather than waste taxpayer dollars on sandwiches and put our fire stations at risk of further 'brown-nosing,'" Williamson explained.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's B.S.

They're only brown-nosing one ambulance!

-- Coho Jerkins