Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Sandwich "Bail-Out" Status…Subject of Urgent Press Release

Following is yet another press release from "Save Our Sandwiches! Alameda":

A leaked letter confirming that sandwich shop owners are siphoning money not only from the city of Alameda but also from the state and federal governments and will begin subsidizing Big Baloney and other sinister corporate interests almost immediately brings a sense of urgency to this, the latest press release from "Save Our Sandwiches! Alameda," ominously entitled "Alameda on the Cusp of Prandial Armageddon: Alameda's Sandwich Crisis, the Impact on Public Services, and the Future of the World as We Know It."

Sandwich shop owners have refused to acknowledge the "Big Baloney bail-out" possibility. But a letter—leaked to a soon-to-be-award winning daily noosepaper—confirmed early this week that an area sandwich shop owner's pocket are lined not only by "Alameda's municipal employees" but also "by the state government (whenever) a Caltrans worker (stops) in for a cup of joe" and "even subsidized by the federal government (whenever) a postal carrier (eats) lunch at my establishment!" Acknowledging the superior reasoning abilities of S.O.S.!.A.'s spokesperson, he continued, "Clearly this logic is utterly (irrefutable)."

Not to be outdone, the sandwich shop owner also revealed that, "our purchase of lunch meats (is) considered a subsidy for 'Big Baloney,' (and) our purchase of mustard (is) a subsidy for 'Big Condiment' and our purchase of bread (is) a subsidy for 'Big Dough.'"

"Sandwich shop owners are trying to downplay how beholden they are to Big Baloney and other corporate interests, yet even they freely admit that the conspiracy goes beyond Alameda and even Sacramento, all the way to Washington, D.C., involving a dizzying range of industries far beyond mere cold cuts." said Dave Williamson, a spokesperson for Save Our Sandwiches! Alameda.

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