Monday, August 20, 2007

Totally Gnarly Grass Has Cindy Sherman Dazeled, Confuseled, and Bamboozled


Ever since the Alameda Daily Noose covered the growing threat of bamboozlement last week, I've been seeing the stuff everywhere! I thought these photos that I snapped in my neighborhood might help you get to the bottom of the plot to fill our town with unexpected greenery. Why, I've seen the stuff growing openly in people's front yards,

for sale in nurseries,

and even lurking in store windows!

The worst example, above, is all gnarled and twisted and turning every which way so that I can't tell if it's coming or going. It got me thoroughly confuseled, and by golly that's not Alameda! If people want to plant something green, they should pick a normal plant that belongs here, like good old Kentucky Bluegrass. The nice folks at the And...That's...Bluegrass...Nursery always have enough sod in stock to roll out a lovely expanse, up to two feet square, at the drop of a hat, and you will drop your hat when you see how low their prices are.

My thanks to the Alameda Daily Noose for alerting all right-thinking Alamedans to the bamboozlement epidemic. I for one am going to keep my eyes open from now on, and when I'm not busy complaining about people regularly parking in front of my house, I will pour every ounce of my brain power into fighting bamboozlement at its source. I don't know how so much of this fancy European landscaping could have taken root in Alameda, unless it was through secret marketing funded by kickbacks from the bamboo industry.

I think we have been bamboozled.

Cindy Sherman

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