9:42 a.m.: Scoop! Alameda Daily Noose and I Oversleep

The Alameda Daily Noose and I offer no apologies to our readers for today's tardy publication, because it was not our fault. Readers should blame the whole thing on Alameda Power & Telecom, which, as you probably know from our regular publication of grumpy letters from its dissatisfied customers, provides electricity "service" to the city of Alameda.

The Alameda Daily Noose and I had our alarm set for 4:30 a.m., as usual, but when we awoke to golden sunbeams and the sound of chirping birds, we knew something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Rubbing the sleep from our eyes, we glanced at our trusty Magnavox clock radio, which was blinking 12:00, 12:00, 12:00, 12:00.

There was only one explanation: Those layabouts at A.P. & T. had fallen asleep at the control panel and allowed the power to go out last night! This was simply unbelievable, especially in light of the fact that I had just gone through all the trouble of plugging my appliances into that fancy newfangled power strip the Alameda Daily Noose gave me for my birthday. I only unplugged the clock for a second, so it must have been A.P. & T.'s fault.

Shame!