Little Jimmy Discloses Information Pertaining to Little Johnny's Worksheet Answers

Dear Mr. Grumbel,

No fair! Now that the assistant principal has sided with teacher's pet Johnny about how to play kickball, I feel like I have to tell everybody about Johnny's worksheet answers in social studies class. All of his answers on Wednesday's worksheet were wrong! I know, because they were all different from smartypants Elena's answers, which I copied carefully, so I know his were different. But the teacher still gave Johnny an A-, and Elena got an A+, but I got a D-! That's impossible! Somebody musta cheated, or else the teacher just hates me!! The teacher said the answers were different because different kids got different questions on the worksheets, but that can't be true because how would he grade them? Everyone knows that there's only one answer key. I know, because I peeked at it before class, but there were too many answers on there to memorize.

Johhny always gets good grades but it must be just because he's such a goody two-shoes in front of the teacher, so the teacher likes him. It can't be because he goes home and studies instead of playing a Gameboy all night, because nobody's stupid enough to spend all of their time studying. Even Johhny, who's like the biggest geek in the world because he's so smart and wears glasses and looks like that stupid wizard boy from the movies, wouldn't actually study for a class called social studies. Why would the class be called studies if your supposed to study outside of class?

Johhny's just a mean, stupid, doofus cheater who calls people names and doesn't even know how to play kickball. Mr. Grumbel, your so great that I'm sure you understand what a poopy pants Johhny is. Will you be my friend and take my side?

Sinecrely.
Jimmy Ward

Editor's note: That Jimmy is one bright, articulate youth who's obviously going places in this town. He really knows how to do his research. The Alameda Daily Noose and I applaud his courage and determination. We're going to have to take that kid out for pizza sometime, and ask him if he'd like a job as a cub reporter.