I was filling up my truck at a local gas station, one whose extended hours are not terrorizing the neighbors and killing The Children, when I saw one of A.C. Transit's 120-foot double-articulated "Van Hell" Neighborhood Assault Buses pull up to the curb to pick up some of those people who never ride the bus. I couldn't help but notice that none of those non-people paid a single dime to ride the bus - in fact, there was some kind of plastic bag over the farebox that said something about sparing the air. What, no fare? No fair, I say!
Like all right-thinking Alamedans, I pay way too much in taxes every single year. As a result, I have the God-given right to pilot my truck down unobstructed freeways from sea to shining sea. Where did all these lousy good-for-nothing spongers get off riding the bus for free, when I still had to pay to fill up my tank? I can't believe all of these empty buses packed to the gills with people who didn't pay anything to ride on them! Is there no justice in this world?
Even if paying for bus rides was depleting our air supply, the obvious solution would be to get rid of the buses. But of course only paid shills for Big Oxygen would claim that we are running out of air. I mean think about it, it's ridiculous! When I finished filling my truck about twenty minutes later and got in, I cranked up the "A/C" to "MAX", and plenty of cool, refreshing air came out. That proves that those do-gooder spare-the-air apologists just want us upstanding American drivers to spare their fare.