I snapped this photo of subversive squirrel behavior recently. Their presence on the campus proves that those scheming varmints are plotting to overthrow Alameda from the inside, first studying city planning and then obtaining positions that will allow them to zone the entire island for high-density forests that will ensure bumper-to-bumper squirrels in every neighborhood, threatening our very way of life, which is the reason we all moved here in the first place. Is that what we want? I don't think so!
Anyone who wants to stem the tide of crafty squirrels in government must act now to shut down any institutions of higher learning within scampering distance of our beloved neighborhoods. No squirrel is going to outsmart me!