Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Voters Demand Answers…and Questions to Match!

Every election year, the Alameda Daily Noose and I provide a valuable service to our readers by endorsing an eclectic array of candidates, from the most seasoned veterans of battles over Measure Acorn to the freshest, most puzzling young faces on the political scene. We do not make these decisions lightly, although we reserve the right to suddenly switch our endorsements without explanation. Indeed, so swift and silent are we in this process of course correction that many Right-Thinking Noose fans fail to notice that anthing has changed, and assume that our final endorsement is the one and only version that has ever existed.

In order to make our well-considered and influential decisions on this year's races, we require a certain amount of effort from those who are running. If you wish to obtain or keep a political office in the city of Alameda, you will need to provide us with the answers to certain hard-hitting questions. Of course, the Alameda Daily Noose and I are a bit short of time, what with it being so close to election day, and our life-sized lawn sculpture tribute to Miss Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin still being far from completion. So, although we will read your responses with our usual thoroughness and keen understanding, we will need you all to provide the actual questions as well. We like to deliver some real zingers in our interviews of candidates, and who could be more qualified to identify your weakest points than yourselves? The Alameda Daily Noose and I have thoughtfully provided this clip-'n'-complete form for your convenience:

Potentially self-incriminating topics that you may wish to ask yourself about include Measure Acorn, Measure Angus, people parking in front of each other's houses, John Knox White, morons, bosons, and the Super-Mega-Monster-Plex That Everyone Hates. Please structure your questions to yourselves such that in trying to answer them, you will find yourselves backed into a corner, at which point the Alameda Daily Noose and I will be able to point out, triumphantly, that despite your feeble protestations to the contrary, you are really not a strong supporter of Measure Acorn.

Mail your completed questions and answers to the Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters, or type them into a gee-mail letter to rogergrumbel@gmail.com. Be sure to spell your name correctly, and identify which position you hope to win, and which, if any, you currently occupy. The Alameda Daily Noose will not be responsible for any misidentifications of School Board members or other such trivial errors.

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