City's Tree Plan at Root of Business Loss

Rog,

I knew it! The City's devious, unpopular, tacky "Master Tree Plan" has caused a disaster larger than any I've witnessed for weeks.

Mind you, Right-Thinking Alamedans were already suffering on a daily basis from this stupid policy of planting trees next to streets. I mean, how am I supposed to drive around corners when even getting so much as one wheel up on the sidewalk puts me in danger of clipping one of those woody monstrosities? I've found that, unlike soft, squishy pedestrians, those trees can really do some damage to your car.

A few months ago, the City deliberately stuck a tree alongside one of my usual driving routes, and I must have run into the stupid thing every time I've gone that way since. It's like they expect me to stay on the road, which, what with all of those distracting "lane markings" and other gobbledygook, is impossible!

Since everybody drives the way I do, it's obvious that this twisted tree-planting mania gripping our town was the root cause of one of our major car dealerships deciding to throw up its hands in despair, and move to some place whre they have the sense to keep streets far away from trees. I always prefer to buy my cars in places like that anyway, so maybe now I'll give our old dealership, whatever their name was, some business.

Former City Council Candidate