I saw this creature early yesterday evening at a local establishment.
Even though this letter lacked the customary salutation "Dear Editor," the Alameda Daily Noose and I assumed that Mr. Paul intended it for publication. We are glad that he took time out from his presidential campaign to send us shocking this photographic evidence from the front lines of the Global War on Squirrels. Now that he has seen the surrealist havoc that can be wrought by drunken Squirrels, we can only assume that Mr. Paul will move quickly to make combating the Bushy-Tailed Menace the centerpiece of his long-shot bid for the White House.
Mr. Paul, you may be the last hope for Alameda. If you are sincere in your desire to squash the Squirrel threat, your only worthy choice for a Vice Presidential candidate is that stalwart foe of all things sciurine, Miss Heidi Wilson. We urge you to make that choice, sir.