Thursday, August 7, 2008

Alameda Daily Noose Welcomes 40,000th Eyeball

The Alameda Daily Noose's readership has doubled since Dec. 20th, 2007! We are sure that in that same space of time, none of the other major news media have doubled their circulation.

Our phenomenal success is due to our hard-hitting coverage of issues that are of the highest importance to right-thinking Alamedans everywhere. They know that the Alameda Daily Noose is the only place for accurate, unbiased journalism on those issues, and that our publication gets results. For example, no sooner had we published yesterday's letter on the weather in Alameda than it started to improve. Mr. Friedanfever's letter must have spurred someone on our City Council to take the action that he demanded, although it could be just that the Alameda Daily Noose and I were the sunshine that cleared away the general fog of confusion about our weather before our do-nothing government got around to doing anything.

The only thing that exceeds the fact-revealing and change-reversing prowess of the Alameda Daily Noose and me is, of course, our humble self-effacement. We are pleased to be able to provide a steady supply of both to all 20,000 of our loyal readers and their 40,000 loyal eyeballs. If our readership continues to double every 34 weeks—and we have no reason to believe that it will not—every man, woman, and child in the known world will be reading the Alameda Daily Noose a mere 12 years from today. By that time technology will surely have advanced enough to allow us to seek out new readers in the deepest reaches of space, the final frontier: to boldy grump where no man has grumped before!

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