Thursday, August 21, 2008

Normally Sensible Mr. Shave Goes off Deep End with Aquatic Transportation Idea


I am writing to express my OUTRAGE at your recent suggestion that Alameda adopt Monorail Cats as preferable to Personal Rodent Transit. While Personal Rodent Transit systems have been accused of being entirely too puny, they are entirely scale-able. As ridership increases, Right Thinking Alamedans know full well, that the only P.C.T. is the clear solution. Personal Capybara Transit offers larger, more spacious vehicles that are renowned for their multimodal service. Personal Capybara Transit systems are known for bridging aquatic barriers (see picture below) with ease at low cost. If P.C.T is adopted as the perferred alternative, the overall cost for the system would be far lower as P.C.T can transport passengers to Jack London Square in Oakland without the expense of an elevated monorail crossing or any form of tunnel. Field tests conducted by the U.S. Department of Transportation proved that Monorail Cats cannot be made to cross a body of water, something, even the most ignorant member of InAction Alameda knows full well.

In any case, a modern, fully automated PCT system could include a dining car akin to those found on Caltrain where right thinking Alamedans can gather to quaff a fine beverage of their choice as shown below:

Mr. Shave
If man bites doggie
that is news.
If face
scares doggie
better use

Editor's Comments:

The Alameda Daily Noose and I are greatly disappointed to see that the otherwise reasonable Mr. Shave has succumbed to the latest craze for rodent-related transportation solutions. Everyone knows that these "politically correct" kinds of solutions don't do anyone any good whatsoever, other than to stroke the egos of those who would ride rodents to work, and to manufacture P.R. about how "green" they are. If people like Mr. Shave are so all-fired concerned about the so-called environment, why don't they do something to further the cause of unionized labor?

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