We Fight Them There So That We Don't Have To Fight Them Here

An alert reader has notified the Alameda Daily Noose and me of a chilling development in the Global War on Squirrels. Yes, we knew this day would come; in some parts of the world, the Sciurine Menace is now armed.

Despite the nightmare images, and the fear for our own safety that they conjure up, there is a method in this madness. Clearly, our government and its esteemed private contractors are following the time-honored foreign policy of supplying weapons and other advanced technology to hostile elements in distant countries, where they can safely engage our troops without any danger to the Alamedan homeland and its people.

And we'll continue to take the fight to the enemy. That's why we're fighting them in Iraq, and we're not fighting them here at home. We're fighting them in Iraq so that we can defeat them abroad, so we don't have to fight them here in Alameda. That's one of the lessons of Measure Acorn, is that we must take the fight to the Squirrels, and that's exactly what Right-Thinking Alamedans have done and will continue to do.