ROGER KORNBLUTH Proves PARKING GARAGE Was Designed by a Drunkard

DEAR EDITOR,

I CAN TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY NOBODY IS PARKING IN THE PARKING GARAGE. NO, NOT BECAUSE IT'S NEXT TO THE SUPER-MEGA-MONSTER-PLEX THAT EVERYONE HATES. IT'S BECAUSE THE GARAGE WAS DESIGNED SO POORLY THAT IT DANGEOROUSLY SAGS.

I HAVE ENCLOSED A PHOTOGRAPH THAT DEPICTS THIS ATROCITY. NOTICE HOW THE FLOORS SAG TO THE LEFT. ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS, THE OAK STREET SIDE OF THE GARAGE IS A FULL STORY TALLER THAN THE BACK OF THE LOT. IN THIS EARTHQUAKE-PRONE AREA WE CAN'T AFFORD TO RISK OUR LIVES BY ENTERING A STRUCTURE THAT WAS CLEARLY DESIGNED BY AN INTOXICATED (OR WORSE) ARCHITECT.

IT'S HIGH TIME WE DEMOLISH THE GARAGE BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS HURT. IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD, PERHAPS IF A FEW OF US GIVE IT A SHOVE.

ADMIRINGLY,

ROGER KORNBLUTH

P.S. PLEASE EXCUSE THE IMPROPER CAPITALIZATION OF MY LETTER. MY PC'S "CAPS LOCK" KEY HAS BEEN STUCK IN THE "ON" POSITION.