Thursday, February 7, 2008

Protesters Battling "Uninvited and Unwelcome Intruder" Demand Reserved Parking Spaces


All Right-Thinking Alamedans know that the hideous parking garage attached to the Super-Mega-Monster-Plex That Everyone Hates is not welcome in our city. It is an uninvited and unwelcome intruder, and we encourage all people to avoid parking in it, and applaud residents and organizations such as Code Grump, that may volunteer to impede, passively or actively, by nonviolent means, the use of any parking garage located in the City of Alameda.

As one of the founding members of the Code Grump, I plan to chain myself to the entrance to prevent anyone from using that monstrosity—which I know nobody will, because nobody goes to the movies or shops on Park St. anymore because there are too many people and too much traffic—but that's beside the point. This is about free speech, after all! The only problem with this plan is that there is no place to park right in front of the garage.

It is ridiculous that my right to protest is in jeopardy because of the short-sighted removal of parking spaces on Oak Street. I hereby demand that our corrupt Mayor and those incompetent boobs on the City Council take action to add parking in front of the garage, and reserve those spaces for Code Grump protesters like myself! I know the bumbling knuckle-draggers in the Public Works department aren't capable of putting up something as simple a "reserved parking" sign without someone drawing them a diagram first, so I have attached one for illustrative purposes.

Zaynie Glower
Subcomandante of Public Relations
Code Grump

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