Thursday, March 11, 2010

Squirrels Are Online! (We Told You So…)


While web-designing Aliens are clearly a threat to Alameda, I am concerned that you have not been paying enough attention lately to the ever-present threat of the Sciurine Menace. Not content with corrupting our innocent youth by means of their delicious candy, their novelty T-shirts, and their insidious videos, Squirrels have now launched an all-out techno-offensive! I recently came across a so-called "Twitter feed" written by a Squirrel:

Every chit-chit-chit, scratch and dig is lovingly described by the Twittering Squirrel. This outright glamorization of the Squirrel lifestyle has so far attracted over 14,000 followers, over 400 times more people than are currently following Alameda Mayoral Candidate Frank Matarrese:

If you ask me, Frank, like the rest of Alameda's candidates, are not paying a sufficient amount of attention to the threat of Squirrels. Now that their hollow trees are equipped with wi-fi and computers, there is no time to waste in wholeheartedly recommitting to Measure Acorn!

Imelda Jackson-Perge

[Editor note - In another sad testament to the journalistic ignorance of our readership, Ms. Jackson-Perge seems to have forgotten that the Alameda Daily Noose and Roger Grumbel broke the Twittering Squirrel story over ten months ago, on May 26, 2009; however, given her pure-hearted devotion to Measure Acorn, we will let her off the hook…this time.]

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