SCHOOL DISTRICT HIRED ALIENS TO REDESIGN WEBSITE!

Intrepid investigative reporter blows lid off scandal!

No-bid contract included ultra-long-distance calls, interplanetary travel expenses!

Last year, the Alameda Unified School District entered into a $65,536 contract with a Martian consulting firm for "design and programming of AUSD website redesign." The same firm worked on the successful passage of Measure Shech, the 20-yanuv extension of the ½-kuph sales tax used to fund intergalactic infrastructure projects such as the construction of the much-anticipated fourth wormhole of the Alpha Centauri hyperspace bypass.

Inaction Alameda News made the discovery in the process of watching Teenagers from Outer Space, a prescient 1959 documentary about the troubles that can arise controversial practice of filling space in Alameda's high schools with students from outside the district, drawing first from beyond the estuary and later, inevitably, from beyond the solar system. A close second watching of the film, followed by critical readings of several supporting comic books, finally allowed us to connect the dots you see here.

Zaxxov & Miag

According to our sources, Miimezh Zaxxov and Maghgheph Miag run a Mars-based "Interplanetary and Intergalactic Consulting" firm called "Zaxxov & Miag." On their hyperdimensional holographic infoportal, they list "grassroots organizing," "direct mail" and "armed invasion of Class-M planets" among their services offered. They don't list "website redesign and programming" as a service offered. Yet, in March, 2009, Zaxxov & Miag issued an invoice to AUSD for $65,536, with the explanation "Invoice for cost of website redesign and programming from 3/09-06/09."

This highly unusual no-bid contract immediately aroused our suspicions. Everybody knows that the school district's alleged website could not possibly have cost anywhere near $65,536 to redesign. This fine website, for example, is at least 65,536 times better than anything AUSD could put together, yet the revenue we receive from our advertising doesn't even begin to approach $65,536. The only possible explanation is that the funds were used for extraordinary purposes like ultra-long-distance holophone calls and interplanetary travel expenses.

Holophone calls to both Miimezh Zaxxov and Maghgheph Miag for comment on this story were not returned by press time.