Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Jean Kerkwilligers Just Doesn't "Get" Noosepaper 3.0

Dear Mr. Williamson:

I am writing to complain about the changes you have made to the Alameda Daily Noose. First of all, the new colors are really hurting my eyes. The bold, bright yellow and stark, manly black of the Alameda Daily Noose always put me in the mood for a good rant, but as I look at these cool shades of blue, I feel a strange sensation. I think it's called "relaxing" and I don't like it!

I also want to complain about all the advertisements. I don't get it, we fought long and hard to have those ugly billboards banished from Alameda streets and now suddenly you're putting them up all over the interwebs! There ought to be a law against it! I was going to write a grumpy letter to my councilman about it, but I look at these darned colors and suddenly I can't be bothered. Please change everything back, preferably now.

You know, I had high hopes for you, young man, but now I'm starting to wonder. Didn't you promise Roger that you weren't going to change anything? I don't understand, and although I'm seething mad, all I want to do is search for videos of kittens playing the piano on the U-tubes. Darn those new colors!

Sincerely yours,
Jean Kerkwilligers

[Editor note - right from the start we worried that some old loyal readers of the old Alameda Daily Noose may not - how do we put this delicately? - "get" the technologically advanced concept of Noosepaper 3.0. We suggest they educate themselves on the latest marketing trends, which they can read about in the all-new vigorous and youthful Inaction Alameda Alameda Daily Noose by Inaction Alameda. If this doesn't do the trick, maybe they should just go back to their needlepoint or taxidermy or whatever it is they do.]

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