Wednesday, February 17, 2010

BART Service Comes to Alameda

Yesterday, BART cut the ceremonial ribbon and began sending its famed underground trains into and out of Alameda.

We here at the Alameda Daily Noose have mixed feelings about this. While certainly we are happy to have visitors come to Alameda, from other Right-Thinking parts of the world (if there are any, that is), but we are not too keen on the idea of anybody wanting to actually LEAVE our fair island city.

We call upon the BART board of directors to suspend outbound service from Alameda. This will save about fifty percent of the budget in our troubled economy, so it's a win-win for everybody concerned. We are sure that BART will be inclined to consider this frugal suggestion, since they are actively looking for ways to make up the budget deficit they created to fund the Alameda extension.

In their press release announcing the new station, BART stated that they are considering closing down several older stations, and transferring those maintenance and staffing funds to make up for the construction, maintenance and staffing costs of the new station. Meanwhile, plans for future extensions are already underway.


Anonymous said...

Notice how the new Park St. BART station already has signs for the so-called Air-Train? Only a week after federal grants were pulled from the Oakland Airport to Coliseum BART John Knocks Whyte and the evil forces of Big Helium got the exclusive contract to fly people aboard "Air-Trains" from the new Park St. station. These so-called "Air-Trains" are just a euphemism for those dangerous Zeppelins. I'm sure Roger Grumble would not have left a hole in a story so big, you could drive a truck through it. Roger Grumble even covered the dangerous Zeppelin mast built atop the Giant Parking Garage That Everyone Hates.
I must say that the level of integrity and intellectual curiousity of the Alameda Daily Noose has declined markedly under the editorship of Dave Williamson and his legion of InAction Alameda members.

Anonymous said...

Yes, this is OUTRAGEOUS!!!! Where is Roger Grumbel to stop these marauding Airships?
We ALREADY had blimp traffic jams on our roads before the greedy interests of Big Helium began blocking out our sun, light and air with these monstrous behemoths.