The Perfect Last-Minute Christmas Gift

Dear Roger,

I would like to bring your attention to a wonderful item that would surely make a delightful Christmas gift for any proud Alamedan:

This beauty serves two functions: helping rid us of our pesky Squirrel problem, while providing a useful decanter for our Old Crow or Wild Turkey. Wouldn't the sweet nectar of Kentucky bourbon taste even better when poured from the neck of a Squirrel? I plan to buy these for everyone on my list.

Blackie Gerber