You'd better believe it's time for our two zip codes to unite against a common enemy! At this very moment, Right-Thinking Alamedans across the Island are being deceived into signing a petition to build a white tablecloth restaurant at Alameda Point, not realizing that it is part of a plan to exempt the Point from Measure Acorn.
Don't be taken in! As any Alamedan worth his salt remembers, this is exactly what happened with Lady Godiva and the Trojan Horse. For those of you who happen to be Right-Thinking newcomers to the Island, and so aren't familiar with the legendary Lady Godiva, I'll fill you in on her story.
Lady Godiva, an early entrepreneur in the chocolate business, was sympathetic to the hard-working people of Alameda when they demanded a white tablecloth restaurant. Her husband, Earl Leofric, insisted on passing a parcel tax to cover the cost of developing the restaurant. When she pleaded with him not to raise taxes, he declared that redevelopment without tax money would happen when Lady Godiva rode naked through Alameda on a horse.
Nakedness was no obstacle, as Lady Godiva already had an inexplicable tendency to walk the ramparts of Alameda without any visible garments on, but riding on horseback presented a difficulty. There were no horses in Alameda at the time, since they arrived later with Christopher Columbus, so the Earl he thought he had her there!
Well, Lady Godiva outsmarted him. She hired a local carpenter named Troy to build her a life-sized wooden horse. It rolled on wheels that were powered by hundreds of Squirrels (collected from that city that's not Alameda) hidden inside. Lady Godiva rode the Trojan horse from one end of Alameda to the other.
The good people of Alameda rejoiced that Lady Godiva had won them a white tablecloth restaurant that served the most sinfully delicious chocolate desserts in all Alameda, but they were horrified when the Squirrels gnawed their way out of the wooden horse and swarmed across the city. Most of the Squirrels immediately began burying acorns that they brought along, which is why this Island was full of oak trees by the time the Spaniards arrived 500 years later.
So watch out, Alamedans! You may think you're supporting plans for a white tablecloth restaurant, but you'll actually be letting hundreds more Squirrels into our community. That's why kids these days need to learn their Alameda history.
Thursday, May 14, 2009