Alamedageddon: This Time, We're Not Just Imagining It!

Sound the alarms! It's official: Squirrels are attempting to undermine Alameda's sacred, tree-limiting Measure Acorn. The Alameda Noose and I have yet to find evidence that Squirrels are the masterminds of this operation, but that is because Squirrels are so notoriously devious and secretive. They often conceal evidence of their activities in hollow trees or buried under garden plants, or in impenetrable 288-page documents that no-one in their Right-Thinking minds would bother to read. As you can see, the Squirrel in the photo above is menacing a collection of potted plants, do doubt attempting to conceal the evidence that potted plants are a sensible alternative to those darned trees that our government keeps trying to force on us.

Yes, there is no doubt in our minds that our so-called City Council was in cahoots with the Squirrels last night when they revealed that plans for the Evil Robot Base at Alameda Point include exempting it from the perfectly sensible restrictions of Measure Acorn! We all know that trees benefit no-one, except for Squirrels. Therefore, last night's announcement is tantamount to a declaration of which side the Council is taking in the Global War on Squirrels!

At this very moment, developer fat cats are at work gathering signatures in an underhanded attempt to put their plans to a vote of the people of Alameda. They know full well that we are all far too easily distracted by glossy mailers to be able to keep straight in our heads that we must support Measure Acorn at all costs! That has been the battle cry of Right-Thinking Alamedans since our treasured Measure was first passed in 1971, and then passed again in 1973.

It won't be easy, but we will have to try to remember that fundamental principle, even in the face of glossy, expensive mailers still redolent with the alluring smell of fresh ink. Be strong, Alamedans, and if the worst comes to pass, refuse to vote! We know that nothing good can come of direct democracy.