Verloren, Stewing, Has Beef with Moose over Chicken

Dear Roger,

I have a beef with that blowhard business booster Michael Moose. I have been stewing ever since I read his self-serving letter about the new establishment that will soon be opening up at the corner of Encinal Ave. and Park Ave. Like all Right-Thinking Alamedans, I'm concerned about the surplus of restaurants in this town, so I was delighted to see that old chicken place finally fall to the wrecking ball. Now Mr. Moose tells us that a fancy-schmancy new restaurant will take its place, and I don't like it.

Day after day I've been driving by very slowly, watching those burly young construction workers sweating under the hot sun to make Mr. Moose's dream a reality, but so far it looks more like a nightmare to me. Take the name, for starters: "Kentucky Fried Chic." Obviously, this is going to be another hangout for those mindless yuppies who are trying to turn Alameda into San Francisco, what with their Eye-Phones and their Tweetering and their Thai noodle monarchies.

As bad as that is, take a look at the sign on the door the next time you drive past. It says right on it that it "WILL NOT OPEN." Chic new restaurants with doors that don't even open? At least the greasy old chicken joint had a door that actually worked. I ask you, what is this town coming to?

Yours in disgust,
Marlene Verloren