Monday, April 6, 2009

Frieda Bellows Is Fed Up with Squirrels, Robots, and Safeway


I'm getting more and more fed up lately. The final straw was that story you ran about feeding Squirrels to themselves, not that it's a bad idea, mind you, but the mere thought of Squirrels eating anything makes my blood boil!

It's obvious that Squirrels and City officials are all feeding at the trough of Big Acorn. Besides, when it comes to our mayor, in particular, I always knew she was an Evil Robot, which is why I didn't vote for her, along with her unreasonable attitudes on Golf. Her campaign slogan, "Trust me, I'm not an Evil Robot," wasn't fooling anybody, and everybody who was fooled by it is outraged to discover now that she is an Evil Robot. The proof is right there in black and yellow in your completely accurate and wonderfully imaginative documentary on her phone call.

How can my friends who foolishly voted for the mayor take back the votes that they were duped into casting? I tried asking the staff at the Super-Mega-Monster Safeway That Everyone Hates, but they claimed with haughty apparatchik condescension that they didn't have any control over who I voted for. Horse puckey! If those slugabeds at Safeway don't do something soon, our town is going to be completely overrun with Squirrels and Evil Robots.

Frieda Bellows

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