Green Living by Janet Marchant: Can You Trust the Easter Bunny with Your Children's Health?

Once again, it's nearly the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox, and you know what that means: Yes, soon the Easter Bunny will be hip-hip-hopping his way into households all over Alameda. But have you environmentally conscious parents ever stopped to think that death might be lurking in that cute little basket of his?

Many people don't realize that eggs aren't naturally available in colors like hot pink, aquamarine, and chartreuse. These colors are produced by chemicals added by the Easter Bunny, and we all know how dangerous chemicals are to our children's health. Even one drop of chemicals can be deadly, so imagine how harmful a whole basket full of chemically altered eggs could be to an innocent child!

Fortunately, there is a "green" alternative to those chemically modified eggs the Easter Bunny is pushing. I'm talking about a miracle material that, unlike eggs, can be found in every color of the rainbow, and then some! It's called "plastic," and you know it's 100% safe, because practically everything we give our children these days is made of it. It can be produced without placing any burden on overworked hens. It is even available in egg-like shapes, making it the perfect substitute for those dangerous chemical-coated Easter eggs.

But wait, it gets better! Unlike regular eggs, which are filled with white and yellow stuff that many kids don't even like to eat, these plastic Easter egg substitutes are hollow, which means you can fill them with things kids really enjoy, like candy or colorful little toys made out of…you guessed it…plastic! Thanks to this miracle material, you can have the best Easter ever, keeping your children safe, happy, and hepped up on sugar. This year, let's send that fuzzy shill for the chemical industry known as the Easter Bunny packing!