Monday, May 11, 2009

Adoring Female Reader Loves Alameda Daily Noose and the One True Alameda


Dear Rog:

Even though I love your noosepaper more than life itself, I have become concerned, and now even slightly outraged, that you seem to be treating Bay Farm Island (also known as Harbor Bay Island, and sometimes also known as Pirate's Treasure Island or Sailboat Vista Island) as if it were a part of Alameda.

Believe me, it isn't part of Alameda. Not even close. It's really part of…dare I say it? Oakland.

Don't let their zip code, 94502, only one digit apart from 94501, the One True Zip Code, fool you. Only somebody with the zip code of 94501 is qualified to call themselves an Alamedan.

Let's look at the facts:
  • Alameda, we all know, is an Island City. Calling the land mass you live on an island does not MAKE it an island. Look at any map, and you will see that 94502 is a peninsula. So not only are 94502-ers inferior, they are also LIARS.

  • City Hall is in 94501. Need I say more?

  • If you feel like getting more outraged than you normally are, try to take a drive around 94502. Did you get lost? Of course you did. A true city lays its streets out in a proper, grid-like fashion.

  • There is only one single place to buy ANYTHING in 94502. This is not characteristic of a city. Admit it, people, you live in the suburbs.

  • The entirety of 94502 was built by DEVELOPERS, the ones we finally put a stop to by passing Measure Acorn. If we had managed to fend them off earlier, the entire peninsula would still be farmland, covered in cobweb-filled barns, and yield plenty to feed the island population, with enough to spare to export to foreign countries like Berkeley and San Francisco.
I rest my case. Please do not lump in 94502 with the true Alameda, 94501.

Adoringly,
Jess Trumbell

2 comments:

Chattwin of Harbor Bay Isle said...

Happy to run across your blog, but not happy at all to discover that I don't live in Alameda after all. We Bay Farmers, Harbor Bay Islers - whatever you want to call us - are being discriminated against!

I protest! Is that any way to treat a newcomer?

I think not.

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