Readers Around the Globe Inundate Alameda Daily Noose and Me with Fan Mail

Loyal readers, we appreciate your appreciation, but please be aware that we are not in the marriage market, there is nothing wrong with our weight, and we certainly don't want to purchase any Pentium, whatever that is. We decided to publish this public call for restraint because it is becoming difficult to respond to each gee-mail message individually. It almost seems that for every response we send, we receive five more offers of this nature.

So please, devoted fans, hold off on the private messages for a while. Going through them all is hindering our ability to deal with letters for publication in a timely manner, and is also making it harder for us to spot those hot stock tips and act on them. And goodness knows that good financial advice is especially important these days.