Thursday, July 3, 2008

Reader Exposes Truck-Driving Squirrel's Plot to Terrorize Parade Spectators

Dear Roger,

Well, great! It's finally happened. The Squirrels have taken Alameda. Though we fought long and hard, it appears their victory is complete. The duller among us have even elevated them to positions of power.

No sooner did I open today's edition of the Alameda Puppy Trainer than I saw this horrifying image (attached). That's right -- the Squirrels are in charge of our recycling! Who better than a varmint to know what to do with trash? They've even made a Squirrel the mascot for our beloved Fourth of July parade!

But it gets much worse:

That's right - not only are the Squirrels taking over the world, they've also graduated from school! And they're spreading their filthy lies about trees to our children:

What's next - mandatory bushy tails? I never thought I'd live to see the day! Woe is us! Woe is us!

Imelda Jackson-Perge

Editor's Comments:

Although the Alameda Daily Noose and I deeply appreciate Jack Purge's effort to keep Right-Thinking Alamedans informed about the Sciurine Menace, we strenuously object to any suggestion that the Global War on Squirrels has already been lost. This is just the kind of defeatism that one has come to expect from the "blame Alameda first" moonbats on the loony liberal left, who refuse to recognize that the recent "Measure Acorn" surge is having a great effect on levels of Squirrel-related violence.

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