Monday, June 18, 2007

Paper nobody reads offers cautionary tale for Alameda


I opened up this Sunday's San Francisco Chronicle, and I just had to share what I saw with the readers of your noosepaper, the circulation of which I'm sure is a hundred times larger than that of the so-called Chronicle. (I know you must have had some technical problems over the weekend, because it's not possible that the quote-unquote Chronicle scooped you on this story.)

Anyway, this Sunday's shocking exposé documented the sub-human conditions that have resulted from an overpopulation of Scotsmen in San Francisco. The overcrowding is so severe that it has forced elderly Scotsmen to practice their bagpipes in the dank, haggis-infested cellars of local businesses!

These horrible scenes, many of which stretch the boundaries of what is printable in a family noosepaper, take place every day on what most people agree is a peninsula. Alameda, on the other hand, is an island! Can you imagine what the situation would be with our limited ingress and egress of Scotsmen? I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say it involves bumper-to-bumper bagpipes backed up all the way to Buena Vista. Think of The Children!

San Francisco doesn't have Alameda's Tartan-limiting "Measure Angus," and look what a God-forsaken Hell-hole it has become. Everybody needs to remember that Alameda is not San Francisco. Keep "Measure Angus"!

Jack Delinger

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