Thursday, June 21, 2007

8:48 a.m.: Glinda Wright Concerned About Exploding Squirrels at Countrie Peripherie

WATCH OUT ALAMEDA! A convoy of 20 foot-wide tanker trucks filled with fuel will soon be coming down residential streets and into the Countrie Peripherie shopping center. Piggly Wiggly refuses to tell us how many – which means it must be a lot or they would have answered the question when asked the other night at the City Council Meeting.

The neat trick is that the truck driver will have to have precision accuracy to make the necessary 3 left hand turns onto the 22 foot roads to fill up the tanks for Piggly Wiggly. That will be a sight to see!. This means the driver of one of those 20 foot-wide tractor-trailer trucks has a 1 foot clearance on either side during the turns. According to the spiffy ruler I showed off at the Council Meeting, that's anywhere from two thirds to one half the length of -- you guessed it - a CALIFORNIA GREY SQUIRREL!

Piggly Wiggly better hope they have some really good drivers - - oh, I forgot, if I recall, they said they sub-contract out the driving – so who knows what the experience level is for whatever discount fuel hauling company they use - let's hope it is not the same level as the company that was involved in the 580 melt-down.. And to make it more interesting, one of the turns could be right next to the proposed 3 level parking deck – also filled with cars, filled with fuel, next to the new sidewalk filled with pedestrians, some of which might well be Scotsmen playing distracting melodies on bagpipes! We will soon find out – probably the hard way when the truck is making the turn and a SUICIDE SQUIRREL gets into that crucial one foot gap and it explodes.

Of course, Piggly Wiggly says it is all fine – because the “software says so”. Anyone with software experience knows if you put Squirrely numbers in you’ll get Squirrely numbers out. Time will tell just how accurate this piece of software was.

Glinda Wright

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