5:04 a.m.: Scoop! of "Miracle Crystals"

Alameda Daily Noose and I were out for a romantic evening on the town when, on a whim, we decided to stop into one of the newfangled, upstart quote-unquote restaurants that have opened up lately. When we arrived at our table we couldn't believe our luck: Once again, we had scooped all of the other major news media with what may be our smallest—and yet most salacious—scoop yet!

This tiny scoop, pictured above, was nestled in a pile of a crystalline substance we had never before encountered in an Alameda eating establishment. When we inquired with our server, he suggested that we use our newfound scoop to place some of the mystery granules on our food. After half a glass of wine we were feeling very adventurous and decided to give it a go. Sweet Mother of Chuck Corica, were our taste buds in for a treat! It was almost as if the food had . . . what was that word we read in one of those fancy elitist gourmet magazines we sometimes see at the dentist's office? Oh yes, I believe it was "flavor"!

Now that we got the scoop of these "Miracle Crystals," Alameda Daily Noose and I are going to start experimenting with it at other eating establishments. We're normally opposed to change of any kind, but we might just have to make an exception in this one case!