Noose Man in Classic Sense Called Out of Retirement for One Last Job

In the course of his duty to promote Miss Grumpy Alameda, Editor-in-Chief, Ace Reporter, Pulitzer-Prize-Eligible Photographer, President, Vice-President, Chairman, and Publisher of the Alameda Daily Noose Dave Williamson has accompanied the aspiring Grumpy pageant contestant on a tour to some cities that are not Alameda. In his absence, I, Roger Grumbel, have no choice but to temporarily come out of retirement for this one last job. It's a miracle that I am even able to fit any editing into my busy post-retirement schedule, but I am well aware that no-one else is qualified to do it, and that even Dave Williamson was finding it challenging to fill my eminent shoes.

Now, we know that some of you may be thinking, "But Roger, isn't it difficult for you to jump right back into the game after two full months of retirement?" But you needn't worry on my account. I am just as familiar with the going-on in Alameda as I have ever been, since I never left the island nation except for that one gig that the "Ja, und das ist Polka!" band played at La Rana Gigante, which is just across the bridge from Alameda.

So I am sure that all of our loyal readers will rejoice in my week-long return to the editorial desk, and will reap many informational benefits from this brief reviving of the glory days of the Alameda Daily Noose. I'm not sure who left all these tangles of wires and little boxes on the desk, but I think I can work around them. The only alternative would have been to put the Alameda Daily Noose in the hands of someone unfit for the demands of the job, or to let the page go blank for a time. And what kind of fool would just leave fans wondering what had become of all the insightful stories and enlightening images? No, an empty noosepaper is not an option. Our readers deserve better.